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Why You Can't Settle Being His Second Choice

Back in the day, I used to think that when a person came back in your life after leaving that you were meant to be. Like it was meant to be in the “fourth power”, cause sometimes you have to part ways from a person in order to grow into a lasting relationship. Sometimes that can be true. However, as I come to learn it can also mean that you’re just convenient to that person needs. It’s time for “Jubo Story-time." Back in 2011, I was young and dumb. My focus was on men and if I could go back in time lord knows I would change how I handle a lot of things. However, I can’t live in the past of my mistakes I got to get up and make changes so it won’t happen again. Furthermore, I was working in the airport and it was this guy I was so into to. I remember him like yesterday because he was just physically perfect. He had the most amazing dark skin, 6’5, dreaded, perfect smile, and he was built like a black king that you see in those black paintings. He would always come in my shop and asked me to make his food. I was so nervous to tell him that I like him, so I asked my co-worker whom I thought was my friend at the time to go tell him how I felt (this was before I really knew the game). I remember waiting for her for a good 2 hours, and she came back quiet and lied to my face that she didn’t see him. Fast forward to two weeks later I had to found out though another co-worker that she had hook up with my crush. Nonetheless, when I confronted her about it, she looks me in my eye and lied again. Until she texts me later that night and told me that they were in a relationship and hope I “respect” their relationship. I remember my feelings being so hurt cause I really genuinely thoughts this girl was my friend, and she knew that I really liked him. However, I was more hurt that she stabbed me in the back.


I remember how they would just flaunting their relationship in my face. She would brag on how he was amazing in bed, and how she was made for him and that no other woman can take her place. The way she was acting let me know that she never consider me as her friend. Everyone was in my ear telling me to confront her, but I knew it was no point simply because I knew karma was coming as fast as their relationship begin. As the months roll on that smile she once had, turn into anger. When someone spoke of his name, she didn't want to talk about him. They would fight in public for everyone to see. It has come to life to light, that “Mr. Perfect” was living a double life. No one knew that he was in a serious relationship with 3 kids. It came to pass when his girlfriend came up there, to confront her telling her to leave her “man alone before she end up six feet under." When she told him what has happen he told her “to stay in her place”. I remember the look on her face when I saw her the next day, she looks so ashamed that she couldn’t even face me. Crazy part was that she wasn’t even woman enough to apologize, she asked could we go back to normal. Than after all of that he decided that now he wanted to talk to me. Trying to pin everything on her, like I was some kind of dummy. Like I was so desperate to talk to him. When I look into his eyes all I saw was a liar. So, I chose to leave him, and her alone altogether because I knew I didn’t need that drama in my life. And I also knew that I wasn’t going to be a man “second choice”.

When someone you really had feeling for casts you aside, or tired to come back when their first choice doesn’t pan out, it will split you in half. But you aren’t ready to admit to this damage right now. After all, if they come back doesn’t it mean you two are meant to be? You want their love so, you’ll rationalize whatever you can to make this feel right. Your brain goes into overdrive, ready to make something completely irrational somehow sound logical. You’ll find trivial reasons to wait, or stay, or whatever the game you’re stuck playing. You’ll swallow little bits of pride when no one is looking and decide second choice isn’t that bad. However, when in reality if it didn’t fall apart with his first choice he wasn’t going to pick you in the first place. He knew from the beginning he wasn’t going to pick you. Therefore, in the back of your mind you knew he wasn’t going to pick you as well.


When you do this, you’re allowing someone else to dictate your worth. And trust me when I say, I understand I been there. There are times when love overpowers our mind so much that we’re willing to hide in the darkness of it (yes, love can be a darkness). We’ll do the things we said we wouldn’t. We’re ravenous for this love because we can’t remember how it felt to be love like this before. Right now, everything feels on fire. But you deserve someone who feels that same fire for you. You deserve the oxytocin explosion to aim your way. It’s not enough to be a secondary character, waiting for a moment for him to see you. Don’t be someone’s second choice because no matter how hard you try you won’t be able to forget your place in line. Even when you try to. Even when you do such a good job of convincing yourself everything is fine. However,everything isn’t “FINE”. You were a second choice, and part of you will continue to wonder when you think about who came first before you.


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