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What Lawrence & Issa Taught Us About Closure

Well, the season finale of insecure came and this time it didn't end with Lawrence blowing Tasha the bank teller back out. It ended in a sense of peace, and growth between two people. The reason why I love to write about insecure is the fact that it a show made for us. As much as I love blackish, and Scandal I can't identify with those shows. However, I do identify with insecure. Every person on that show speak to phase in our lives that we been through or we're heading to as we speak. But nevertheless, this season finale touch on a topic that I consider "taboo" to many women.


As we know Issa "hoe phase" was Initiated when she learned that Lawrence said that he was done with her. And as I wrote on my previous post Issa learned that having a "hoe phase" isn't what it cracks up to be. However, finally after weeks and months of avoiding the inevitable conversation they finally had the closure they needed to move on (a conversation that I wish they had on season 1). Lawrence doesn’t like the way they ended things and he feels like he’s “fucking everything up right now,” which he is, to be honest. He apologizes for not being the person that Issa expected him to be. But more importantly, he apologizes for not being the person he expected himself to be, which caused him to shut down. Issa apologizes for not being better, for “both of them”. She couldn’t even do it for herself, she says. She recognizes that cheating was the “worst” thing she could have done to him but that she still wants the best for him. She still loves him. He still loves her. We’ve all known that to be true all along. However, they know that being together is dead......for now I'm still holding on to hope.


After they hug it out through tears, and now it's time to say goodbye. Standing in the doorway, Lawrence says it first. And then suddenly, the life she will never have flashes before her eyes. Lawrence drops to one knee and proposes. They fall onto their blue couch as a married couple. They have the best sex they’ve ever had and have the cutest little baby boy. It was all too surreal to be real. And it’s not. Issa snaps back to reality and says goodbye as well. Closure is a powerful feeling. Sometimes we need closure to move on but as I learned from my questions, and emails I received from women it a moment that many women are never given. When it come to the game of closure it’s a two-way street. Closure means finality;  letting go of what once was. Finding closure implies a complete acceptance of what has happened. However, women find it hard to accept that closure come from self. Yes, it would be nice to have that talk with the person that broke your heart but you won’t get that. It a reason why he ended the relationship like he did. And while it hard to understand why, Closure is something that everyone wants but not given. We would like validation and understanding. We can accept that someone doesn’t want to be with us. We can accept that the relationship has changed or that they want something else. What we can’t accept is our partner’s inability to communicate that fact effectively and tell us what went wrong.
Furthermore, when a man refuse to give a woman the proper closure it causes her to hold on to that pain into her next relationship. The reason why I say that closure is taboo, because women will hold on to that pain for a lifetime. Jumping in and out of relationships looking for a man to heal them. Knowing that the only person who can heal them from their pain is you. Looking for a man to heal you from your broken heart will just leave your heart broken. It has finally come to my knowledge that a man can’t heal you after your heart been broken. In my experience, people can’t always be honest with you because they can’t be honest with themselves. It isn’t about you. We always want it to be about us and our flaws and failures, but it isn’t. Many men don’t know how to deal with the emotions that come with a breakup, so they prefer to avoid their feelings altogether, and this is the most likely the reason why they won’t talk to you. 

Closure is important to find following ending of any significant event or relationship in one's life. Closure is when you become at ease with the fact that things are over. Moreover, holding on to that pain will hold you back. Even if he gives you the closure you been hoping for would you accept it at face value? That why closure is a two-way street, you have to be at peace with the answers that you’ve been given. Like I said before sometimes we feel like we need closure to move on, however true closure is when you find peace that you did your part. Even when you feel like you failed the true peace is knowing that you can let go and heal. As one wise woman once told me, find the closure you need and be happy; you deserve it. Life is too short to dwell on what was lost, when there is so much out there to be gained.

That Is All
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Comments

Aleah Gray said…
I've heard about insecure but I haven't watched it yet. It seems like a pretty good show. I'm think I'm going to check it out.
DafraStar said…
I love Insecure!
What you said about closure is real though- it's rare to be able to get it from the offender. People just bounce these days, so letting go has to be done for oneself.
www.dafrastar.com
Sydney Pollock said…
I love insecure. Closure is something I think should only happen on a case by case basis, sometimes talking to someone isn't what you need to heal but that scene was so necessary

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