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Trading Places: Why It's Okay To Court a Man

Oh, how time has change. The roles have change. How we date is no longer the same, as it was when our parents were coming up. A few weeks ago, my best friend made a post about "take a man out on a date". Furthermore, all the men agreed (of course) but women were shocked that I agreed as well. Too many women are hesitant to ask guys on dates, or to give guys an inkling of their interest in them. And it's upsetting and limiting to both us and to the dudes who want to date us. Asking a man out or taking him out for dinner don’t make you any less of a woman. However, trying to stick to your old school standards will leave you single and missing out on your soul mate.

If my man earned it then I can take my man out on a date. Why not? How do we know at time that we even earned a date? Yeah, I went there is nothing wrong with footing the bill every once in a while, in a relationship. If the relationship 50/50, and you love that person then you can pay for your man dinner every once in a while. And I'm not talking about a home cook meal either (unless he asked for it). I'm talking about going all out buying him flowers, and taking him out to a fancy restaurant, and then a movie follows up with a slow dance under the moon light back at his place type of date. I know what you’re thinking what will happen if you switch roles in a relationship. You might think that they’re turned off when a woman pursues a man. Maybe you’ve been taught that men are the hunters, and if you aren’t a challenge, they won’t take you seriously. And You probably feel that men are supposed to lead anyway. Furthermore, if a man wants to date you then he should put in the work to keep you. As women, we have been taught to think that a man supposed to do all the work and in way he does but courting go both ways. Women need to understand that courting is not one sided. Just like he has to court you, you have to court him as well. How will he know that you’re a catch if you have nothing to show other than your looks and ok personality? Not answering calls, or taking your time to text back doesn’t work anymore (well not on some men). Just like a man have to show actions, you’ve to actions as well otherwise you nothing but a waste of his time.

As sisters, we have one image of masculinity in our heads when we expect a man to do all the initiating. In other words, we’re thinking of an Alpha male, who has traditional ideas about what men should do (provide, lead, protect) and how they do it (bring home the bacon, make the decisions, pursue the woman). Some men, however, need the encouragement . They are more laid-back, more nurturing, and may even be shy. These types of guys typically need a nudge (or sometimes a push) in order to get a relationship started or just get the date started. So, taking him out, or asking a man out shows a man that you’re willing to meet him halfway. However, the truth is you don't even have to do all of that. If you take him to taco company or a good steak house and foot the bill then he will feel appreciate it for the rest of the year (a little sex won't hurt either). The thing is a man don't need to be reminded every day that he’s appreciated like we do. He just need that reminder one good time, and he's set for the year. And if you're not willing to remind him of that once or twice then why are you in a relationship if you’re not willing to give? It the simple things that a man wants, to feel appreciated. However, fellas don’t get it twisted in order to be treated like a king then you have to earn it. Most women wouldn’t mind treating a man out on a date. But in order for a woman to treat you, then you have to earn that treatment. You can’t expect to get cater to, if you have done nothing to earn it.

Now, if there's one thing most single women have in common, it's waiting. We wait for guys to approach us. We wait for men to text us. We wait for men to ask us out. Even in the seemingly less complicated world of online dating, we're still waiting for guys to "wink" at us, message us, and basically, initiate any sort of human contact. It's can get exhausting! What would happen if we decided to stop waiting around and started making the first move? Would it change anything?  Waiting for a man to make a first move will leave you waiting a lifetime. So many people have too much pride now. No one knows when to put that bullshit to aside, and date that person. What I can’t understand is how women want to be treated like equal, but when it comes to the rules of dating that want to leave all the work to the man. But as I always say what do I know, I’m just here to drop some knowledge on my journey of self.

That Is All
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Tisha said…
Interesting perspective!
I agree, but I also feel that when the time comes and I'm actually in a serious relationship that I will revert to my traditional ideas. Always great to hear a new perspective nonetheless- great post!
Bri said…
I think there should be balance. No one person should be doing everything. Whether I'm in a relationship or in a casual dating situation, I always try to keep things mutual. You pay this time, I got next time. I love surprises so I just naturally feel like everyone does and I enjoy giving sweet/thoughtful gestures, when it's deserved. Everyone likes to feel special.
Very interesting article. I am pretty traditional when it comes to relationships. I don't see anything wrong with letting a man know that you are interested, but I just couldn't see myself pursuing him. When my husband and I were dating, and things had become pretty serious between the two of us, I did pay for dinner a few times when we went out. When it comes to buying flowers and things of that nature for a guy you're dating I think people should do what is comfortable for them. I personally prefer the more traditional route.

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