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Can You Teach Me How Hoe: Should Women Have A Hoe Phase..

This Sunday will be one of the saddest day of the year for me. I knew this day was coming, however I wasn’t ready for this day to come. This season of “insecure” has by far been one of the most educational young adult show of the summer. They touch many topics, that usually go untouched on television or not told in the full truth that need to be shared. But the most popular topic on this season was the “hoe phase”. Now, if you watch this whole season you know that Issa was working towards enjoying her new found single title and finally having the “hoe moment” that she was denied of having because she met Lawrence five years earlier. Well, her moment didn’t go exactly like she wanted it to be. In fact, she found herself seeing that having a “hoe moment” isn’t what it cracks up to be. Before the season aired Issa Rae, was on the breakfast club discussing exactly what is a “hoe phase”. Growing up, trying to learn about boys was never an easy task for me. My parents taught us at a very early age to, always be focus on business first and worried about pleasure later. As I gotten older I see the benefits of why they taught us to be business orient at such an early age. However, when I was younger I didn’t see the benefits of it. I felt like they were blocking me from having fun and enjoying my young life (boy was I wrong). Furthermore, it didn’t help that the fact that I was also homeschooled so it just made my curiosity about boys grew stronger as I was growing into a woman. As I been looking back on my journey I realize that I didn’t really have a “hoe moment” (I'm aware that many former hoes will say that but let me explain). Yes, I did spend time with men (and I used that word loosely) but when it came down to do the actually deed I would chicken out most of the time. One thing I can say that I’m happy about my past is the fact that I did all of my dirt before social media took over the world. I didn’t have to worried about my dirt being everywhere like today, if you take a picture of your boobs and somehow that image will be shared everywhere.

However, as much as I love Issa Rae it funny how every woman is celebrating her honesty about having a “hoe phase” and how every woman should have one. But was coming down on amber rose when she said the exact same thing but didn’t properly word it (A topic for another day). Hoe phase” is a term we used to coin a time of our sexual freedom. It’s our social norm now to put a phase on everything that we do. Oftentimes women are described as having a “hoe phase” as if it's a season that we snap in and out of, like we want to spend the summertime jumping in and out of bed with multiple men then in the winter time we want to be settle down with a guy under the fire place. However, it’s funny to me that when men have a “hoe phase” is filled with culturally accepted behavior because we “expect them” to sleep with multiple women and we as women will be ok with it. The reality is even in this day and time that when a woman's have sexual desires we literally considered it to be taboo to the point that when we express them, they are seen as a temporary season in our lives after another failed relationship with a man. However, when a woman's hoe phase goes over the normal timeline she will keep that “hoe” title for life. And afterwards she will be label a “hoe” and it will guides on how people will treat her in multiple settings (like Lawrence was calling Issa a hoe like he didn’t just sleeping with two random ass white women a week ago).

What people seem to overlook is that women have sexual desires like men, and should be free to share their thoughts about them as they wish. Being honest about enjoying certain sexual acts or being upfront with a guy about only wanting to have f*ck buddy relationship shouldn't change anyone's perception of what “kind” of woman you are and how much respect you have for yourself. But a “hoe phase” isn’t exactly you’re sleeping with multiple men at one time or random hook up’s every other day. Sometimes you need male company, you might let him touch and feel on you but it doesn’t end up with you in his bed or having sex in his car. You just have something on your mind that only a man can understand well at least that what you tell yourself. I didn’t sleep with many men in my phase, but I spent a lot of time with men which led many to believe that I was having sex every time a man pulls up to my house. Guys would get mad because I was always on my “period” or I just didn’t want to have sex. One day I just got tired of men calling looking for a good time and was getting mad when all they were getting nothing but a hug good night (if you live in Memphis then you know telling a man from Memphis no is like playing a game of Russian roulette and I’m thankful I always came out alive every time). That I made a change to end my phase, and start working on me. Like I say on here all the time how can I love someone if I don’t love myself properly.

As Issa Rae went on to describe her thought on what is a “hoe phase” . She went on to explain how there are three different ways women have one of these phases. The first group doesn't engage in non-committed sexual activity and chooses to wait on having or being in relationship cause of fear of being hurt or rejected. The second group goes on a full-out quest to f*ck all they can in order to “get their numbers up” because when you a young woman/man that what they expect you to do. Rae expressed that this group isn't interested in being in a committed relationship and are often not able to rid themselves of the “hoe” title, even when they end their “phase” of being a hoe. 

The third group dibbles in sexual liberation without commitment, but also seeks and finds intimacy with a partner basically they were in a serious relationship but wasn’t vocal on what they wanted sexually. Which left them to be sexually unsatisfied but didn’t know how to tell their spouse how they felt which led them to cheat (trust me no one knows this better than me). No matter how you label it or try to word it, this is a phase that many women have. Should a woman have a “hoe” phase? That I can’t tell you but I knew it wasn’t the life for me, what you have to understand is that you have to live your life how you desire it to be. Even if you were living right (depending on what they consider “living right”) they would still find a problem with how you’re living. People love to poke their nose in your life when they should be worry about their own. The season finale is this Sunday, and we will find out how this season end. However, just remember we don't need a term to define how we are living our life. We women and men, will commit when we get damn ready to; the same goes for when we decide to sleep with someone sans a title. The point is live time is to short let anyone to define how we should live.

That Is All
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Comments

This was so real!! And raw and true! Nice work!

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