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Amore Advice: Could You Date A Man That Still Close With His Ex?

I been with my boyfriend for 7 years, and he is the love of my life and I see us getting married one day. In the fourth year of our relationship he cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend they were together for three years before we started dating. When I shared my concerns about their “friendship” early in our relationship he told me that I was overreacting and that I should trust him; and that she played an important part in his life. He swore that he was over her and that it was nothing between them and I believed him until they slept together. We broke up for 10 months as the aftermath. He begged me to come back and he said he would cut her off so, I went back to him and he kept his word. But last year she came back into the picture when she got hired at his job. And now they’re friends again, but this time she is in a relationship but I still don’t trust her because of what happen in the past. I told him how I felt but just like the last time he brushes it off like what I’m feeling doesn’t matter, I want to trust him but their friendship is something I can’t trust. She doesn’t even make an effort to be friends with me, and he doesn’t see that as a problem as well. I’m trying to stay in this relationship because I want to marry him, and have his children but I don’t see that happening if she stays in the picture. And I know that you going to asked no, they do not have any children together. But what should I do I want to be with him, but I don’t know if I can continue this relationship if they continue to be friends.

K. Lopez Atlanta, 29




Well you answer your own question so to speak. When two people break up you suppose to part ways, in order to heal from the ending of the relationship when you choose to stay friends after the break up it will keep you from healing and you end up avoiding the healing process. And when they decided to stay in contact each other they knew they wasn’t over each other. Furthermore, when he told you that she was “important part of his life” you should have ended the relationship right then and there. It obvious that these two still have strong feeling each other, even if she is in a relationship now she still makes it her mission to stay friends with him. Their relationship is something that you can’t compete with, and the fact he doesn’t care that she doesn’t want to be your friend shows how he really feel about you. I know it will be hard to let go of the relationship, since you invested 7 years with this man but you have to walk away. These two still have feeling that they need to sort out, and in the end the only person that will get hurt in the long run is you. Moreover, you can look at this as a new beginning to take back your life and your happiness. And find a man that will be afraid to lose you, when a man is not afraid to lose you then he doesn’t care about you. Yes, he came back after 10 months but his actions show that he can live without you. But if you choose to still stay with him even after all of this, then you're going to have to learn to deal with their friendship. You can't keep throwing what happen in the past in his face, you chose to be with him knowing that he broke your trust. And she is someone he chose to be friends with, and if you love him like you say that you do then you have to get used to her being around. But again if you know that you can't trust him nor her then you need to let this relationship go and move on with your life.

That Is All

Comments

Brandy said…
You answered this perfectly. How is she still an important part of his life if they have NO kids together. Yes feelings were definitely still there. One thing about it is, you have to let people heal and let go emotionally, physically and mentally from their past. Otherwise it always finds it's way back and the person will be sucked right back into it.

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