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What #HurtBae Taught Me

Last week the website called "the scene" release this video of an woman looking for closure from her last relationship. The pair sat down, and had an face to face conversation of what happened and why he cheated on her. This video has been shared over 2 million times, and have gotten 15 million views which started the hast tag #hurtbae. Now for me watching the video, I felt like these two were actors but this storyline was real. That video hits close to home for me, it opens old wombs of my past relationships especially the last one. It wasn't until last year I finally saw the errors of being "the nice girl" in a relationship, being too nice to a man only make it worse for you and opening the door for him to walk all over you. Furthermore, being too nice to a man also ready him for the next woman but break you down mentally. For me I don't like fighting, I live for peace and when I'm in a relationship that what I offer a man. But as I come to learn, from the men I have dated (because I can't speak for all men) were looking for a woman with an attitude and so called  "challenge". 

 As women, we love our men even when they’re wrong as two left shoes and we will stand by them as he got the right pair of shoes on. However, as I come to learn, that we can make it too easy for a man. Now men will swear up, and down that we don't but we do. We see men dating women that will eventually hurt them, but men stand by them why? Because they played the game smart. They didn't follow his every command, or order that he gave her she put her foot down with led her to ultimately win the man. As I getting older, I realize that I always made it too easy for a man he didn't work for me but I had to work for him. I was in war with the man, but the woman who never step foot in the battlefield was the woman he ultimately chose (got his heart broken and looked like an ass afterwards but he still chooses her). #Hurtbae was that mirror that we try to avoid because it shares so many stories of us being there for a man unconditionally but left looking stupid in the end, she is the reminder how we can make it too easy for a man which give us the title as "the nice girl". Even after he hurt us to the point of no return, we still look past it with an earring back of hope that he would change. But that the thing about forgiveness, how can a person learned from their actions when we so quick to forgive them? One part of the whole video that stood out to me, were when she claims that she walks in on him with another woman and he told her to get out and she did; and then she went to her room and started to cry. Now I can call her a damn fool, but I won’t but I did see women talking about her calling all types of stupid; and disrespectful names. Acting like they aren’t with a man, that playing PlayStation 4 type of games on they ass as we speak; or were in a relationship with a man that didn't respect them.

But I won’t throw an pity party on her, after all if their relationship were real then from the photos that is currently flowing around it seem like they gotten back together. And if that the case what the was the point to put him on blast for the whole world to see if you’re going to get back with him? Even he said if you had to go through, all that trouble to see what he was doing why didn’t you leave?  That don’t change what he did, however you got to asked yourself when a man is giving you an out why don’t we take it. Why do we choose to stay when a man is trying to get rid of us anyway, what the point in staying in a relationship where you nothing but a gatekeeper (if you don’t know what a gatekeeper is than google it). When you stay in an unhealthy relationship, all you doing is tainted your beliefs in love. And trying to stay friends with the person who hurt you, and only longer your healing process; and make it harder for you to let go. If a man embarrasses me the way he did, no way in hell I would want that man in my life. But you can’t tell women that when someone hurt us, no matter how bad the pain can be we just believe that in our heart that this person is meant to be in our lives; and will eventually change. And he will change but he will change only when he is ready, and will change for the next woman not for you.

After watching #hurtbae it’s the reason I can’t stress enough to put yourself first, no matter how much you loved and care for a man if you don’t put yourself first than all you’ll be left with is another failed relationship under your belt. Being that there for a man, doesn’t mean you supposed to lose your focus on yourself. Loving someone is about the addition to your life, not taking away from your life; and if that what a man is doing just that than you don’t need that person in your life. When the right love comes, you will feel it there won’t be any doubts; nor any trust issues. All the self-doubt you ever had about loving another, will go out the window. That kind of love takes time, and you must be patient for when that type of love knock on your door. But as I always say, what do I know I’m just here to drop some knowledge while I’m on my journey of self-love and more knowledge of self.

That Is All

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