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Stop Judging Women Who Doesn't Have Children


When women start a conversation with me, and asked me questions, I quickly get annoyed because I already know what question is coming up next in the conversation. I'm 27 year old woman, who have a clean record. I don't even have a parking ticket in my name, but all of that goes out the window. When I get asked the question that women who are in their late 20s, early 30s hate to hear: Do you have any children? While there are women who have told me " that it good that I don't have children yet, and I should work on me", there are other women who will go on to say to me "what am I waiting for", "you don't have to be married to have a child", and my all time favorite "if you wait too long, you going to be too old having a child; and my child will run all over me because I'm older".



And that what I don’t understand, it's doesn't matter how many accomplishments I have made so far in my life, all of that go out the window as soon as I tell them that I'm not married, nor do I have any children. Then when I go on to tell women, that I want to get married before I have my first child they take it as I'm judging them indirectly. Because I want a ring before I give birth, because to them I'm living in a fantasy world. Or they take it as I’m judging them as if they didn’t want the same thing either, and It's not fair the judgement that women who doesn't have children face every day. They make us seem like we're selfish, cause we chose to wait before we have children. Just because a woman chose not to be in the 70% percent of women, between the ages of 21-39 as a single mother don't mean she selfish. Or look down on women who are single mothers. She just want her life in order, before she bring a child in this world. And even women who have children, have even said that they wish they have waited before bringing a child in this world. Because they feel like their life wasn’t in order just yet, and some women feel like they chose the wrong man to have a child with.





Being a single mother is hard. I see it every day, and I tip my hat to them because no one knows the true struggle of being a single mother like a single mother. Furthermore, I have no right to judge the circumstances, on what a single mother face day in, and day out. And why she is a single mother, in the first place. Since I can't speak on the true struggle of a single mother, how do single mothers know the true circumstances to talk down on women who choose to chase their dreams. And follow their goals, before they have to a child? They are so quick to make judgements toward women who don’t have children, and they don't realize how that can affect women.




But what they don’t know is, there are women who wanted to have children before they were 30s. But found out they couldn't children, because of a medical condition or simply because their bodies can't reproduce. Like you didn't asked, nor wanted to be a single mother, we just chose to let life lead us to our next destination, and wait until the right time to have a child. I would love to be a mother, to a beautiful baby boy before I'm 30. But I want my life in order, before I bring my son in this corrupt ass world we're living in. And I want my son to be proud of the woman he called “mama”. And I want the right man, who is ready to step to the plate to be a father for our son. So, when he will learn how to be a man it will be from a man that I can be proud of. There are more to having children than people realize, sometimes you need to stop looking at the clock, so you wouldn't be so quick to judge people who don't have children.

That Is All

Comments

TheKendroShow said…
There definitely seems to be tension between young women who are mothers and young women who are not. I'm 24 going on 25 and I don't get asked that question, but I'm sure I will start being asked. Right now my baby is my cat lol and like you, I'm in no rush to have children and I want certain things in my life to be in order before bringing life into the world, including being married first.

I think when some women hear that you want to be married before having a child, they get insecure because they may not have waited. Doesn't mean they look down on unmarried mothers one bit. But it's also because although the status quo is changing and people aren't getting married like they used to, we still live in a society where women who have children "out of wedlock" are still looked down on. Ironically, people don't really look down on the men who contribute to "out of wedlock babies" or single moms. (And if they are looked down on, it's not to the extent that women are looked down on). People gotta understand it's not a competition.

I also think it's very rude to ask women why they're 28 or 29 without children. So many women go through child birthing issues like you mentioned and that may trigger trauma being asked that. Plus we're living in a day and age where many women have decided they just don't want children and I see nothing wrong with that! And to add, due to the economy and just the fact that times are changing, millennials are statisiclly getting married later in life and I have no issue with that either.

Kendro

www.thekendroshow.com

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