Skip to main content

Is It Worth It? Are There Really Benefits With Being A Side Piece?

Growing up I remember hearing that song, you know "he mines you may have him once but I got him all the time". What I couldn't understand, why the woman wanted the man back after he cheated. But now in the time we're living in, women are living those lyrics more than ever these days. I saw another blogger write, “the benefits of being side piece”. I didn't know there was benefits to sleeping with a taken man/woman, but I wonder if the shoe was on the other foot how understanding would a woman be? Since I was a young woman, I told that I was boring. I was also told that, I always played by the book. And if I didn't change up my style, that I was going to end up regretting the “safe” choices that I made in my life. I used to let that shit eat at me cause, I get it life is short we don't know when our last days are on this earth. However, can you sleep at night knowing you broken up a home. Even if the home has problems, it not your place to break it completely down.

When I was young, and dumb I "dated" this guy. I thought I was so lucky, because he was 6"6 and he was into me. He would come see me after 9 (and like a dumb ass I was ok with it), and I was the "everything but" girl (the girl who will do almost everything but have sex). Three weeks into the situation-ship, I get a “dm” from a young woman telling me to leave her baby father alone. When I told him about the message he told me that, he was about to be a father however; he was going to leave her for me. So, like a dumb ass I was at that age I believe him. And he kept coming around until, I asked him what was taking so long to end his relationship; and he told me that we couldn't rush the break up because she was 7 month pregnant. And when he tried to sleep with me that night, and I told him no (because I wasn’t about to have sex in no car……at that time...... and with him I knew that he wasn't ever going to touch my yoni) that evening was the last time I ever saw him. Until this day, that mistake sit in the back of my mind because I wonder will I pay for that poor decision I made; or have I already paid the price for damn near breaking up a home (even if it was already broken it was not my place to break it down and I’m happy that I didn't tear down that home). Now I can sit here, and say that I didn't know no better (because I was 19 at the time and he was the first guy to ever talk to me). But I was warned, and I still chose not to stay away. Because I was listening to women telling me stupid shit like "you can't break up a home that already was broken". And that what sadly women still go by today, now I said it many times before playing with karma is like playing with Russian Roulette with your love life. No matter if a person isn't happy in their relationship it not your place to break up the relationship. And when you choose to mess with a person who is in a relationship, you asking for karma to come back at you (even if that person came on to you it still doesn’t make it right for you to talk to them).

We see it all the time today, being a side piece is now celebrated. And women try to justify this, by saying that "he came to me". So, when your husband does the same to you will you be this understanding? Will you support your husband sharing his spirit with another woman after you went through hell, and high water for this man? Women try to justify their actions under the guidelines “that the home was already falling apart”, but again if the shoe was on the other foot how understanding would you be? Don't think because, you haven't met your soulmate yet; that you won't meet him. Cause when you do it will be in the back of your mind, all the bullshit that you done to another woman that haven't done a damn thing to you (it still sits in the back of my mind and that was almost 10 years ago,). Just because he not a man enough to walk away, doesn’t mean he needs your help to walk away. Furthermore, if he wanted to leave his woman for you then he would have left her the day he so called fell out of love with her. Being a side piece, is like that pharmacy medicine that you see on TV every day. They will tell you all the good that this pill allegedly can do for you, but then they slip in the danger of what will happen to you when you take this pill. He will never fully be your man, and even if she doesn’t make him happy sooner; or later you won't make him happy either (and there will be a time when you need him the most but he won’t be there for you because he with the woman he truly loves). Men loves getting the milk for free, and that all you're giving him. Furthermore, you got to understand that karma doesn’t have to hit you it can pass you; and your child can pay for your mistakes of what you did.

Women might not agree with this, and some men won’t agree with this either. But it's time to stop faking the funk, being a side piece look fun but how much fun can it be when you still alone. How can you be truly happy knowing that you're only good enough to lay down with, but not good enough to be with. You must ask yourself, is this all that you want for your life? Until this day I sit back, and wonder how could I made that selfish decision; and how that decision could be the key reason behind most of my failed relationship. Yes, I could be pushing it after all I was just 19 at the time. If I could take back that mistake, I would in a heartbeat. Because she didn't deserve that, and he was a waste of my time. Don't think that, you will get away with stepping in someone else's home. You will meet your soulmate, and every time they go out you will wonder if they laying down with another person. You will wonder every time they come home after 12 if they were with someone else (good chance they were anyway). And you will wonder if you don't pay for your wrongs, will your seeds pay the price for your mistakes. So, go have fun go sleeping with a taken man, but remember tables do turns.

Remember my opinion 

That Is All


Muskokemom said…
Good post. I think you are being maybe a little too hard on yourself though! You never slept with him, right? Yes, you had an emotional relationship with him, but you did so in good faith that he was telling you the truth. You didn't know he was cheating on his girl let alone his pregnant girl! After all, it was HIM that lied to both of you! i really appreciate your insight and pov on this and I hope you can let it go, because you weren't totally in the wrong.
Judaea Payne said…
Thank you I will continue to try and put it behind me

Popular posts from this blog

When Hurt People Hurt: Nas and Kelis

You can’t fix what you didn’t break. Sometimes the demons we face, are not the person we’ve dated fault. We’ll never know the demons anyone truly face, until they decide if they want to take it out on us. We try to be there and show them something different but soon realize their demons are slowly killing us. As I come to learn a man is his mother image. A man is what his mother make him to be, he may carry out some of his father actions; but his character come from his mother. Like a woman is what her father tell her to be. Whether he speak it with his words or speak it with his actions (by not being in her life), a woman carry her father words with her everywhere she goes and in all of her relationships. That why sometimes when a man is reckless, if his mother understand his actions then no one else opinion of him even matter. Vice versa with a woman. We chose to play doctor but doesn’t stay around to fully cure that person injuries. We just add more cuts, to an already wounded soul…

My Thoughts on Love Is...

As I always say, when the love is real it not meant for anyone on the outside to understand. I always ask women “what would they do for love?” Some women answer, while some just look at me like I’m crazy. Everyone loves to claim they have a limitation on love. However, as one told me you only have limitation when you haven’t met your match. Now, before I could write this story I had to re-watch this series twice just to make sure I was understanding what I was watching. Therefore, after watching this show I got something to say and it won’t be pretty. My new addiction celebrating black love is Love Is”, which tells the origin story of a modern-day love, before social media came and destroyed well trying to destroy love for everyone. This show has become the topic of discussion more than this season of “Insecure” (I’m still waiting for that wow moment of this season). Love Is_ is set in '90s. And tells the story of two Black creatives who fall for each other quickly. Nuri works as…

What to Do When A Person Ghost You

We all knew this day was coming and now it time I write about it. This Sunday night, was the season finale of “insecure." Now, before I get to the point of the story I must share my thoughts of this whole season. I was looking for that spark this season like season one, and two, but I didn’t receive one until the end. Even the whole Daniel and Issa storyline that was a letdown. When I saw she brought back Lawrence I was hoping that finally they would work it out, but again Lawrence on that bitch ass shit. However, the relationship between Nathan and Issa was the talk on black twitter. While Issa thoughts she finally met a good guy who challenge her, Nathan proved that “the lighter the eyes, the bigger the lies.” While we have to wait until Next Year to see exactly where this relationship will go, Nathan pulled a move that was close to home for many people. It hurt like hell when a person leave you without any warning or reasons. It leave you asking yourself, “What did you do?” We…