This year was an eye opener for me, I dealt with a pain that I wasn't ready for. And It's broke me down, but it's made me a better woman. And it's gave to the gift to share my story with world, and I'm thankful for everyone who read my blog. From Memphis to Berlin; I'm so thankful for this gift, and I won't ever take this for granted. But let me get back to the story, my spirit was broken this year. But it's took me to get hurt to finally know what, I need in order in a life partner. We hear it all the time from women 'I'm a good woman', and men 'don't appreciate' a good woman. True a man can have everything he want in soulmate, but will find a way to fuck it all up. Awhile yeah, we can blame a man but when we going to look in the mirror and see that we're just as fuck up as men are.
I wrote on here many times how I got my heart broken from my last situation, and I gave my all to him. And I did, but after a while I had to sit down, and think about my mistakes. And I had to asked myself was that love so strong, to the point I accepted to be greatly disrespected. No love is so strong, where you accept disrespect. (side note he wasn't a bad man he have a good heart we wasn't meant to be our timing was wrong we both knew we should have broke up but we didn't listen to our head), It's signs that will warned you to walk away, and I had many but I still didn't leave. It's wasn't until one day I just look at myself in the mirror, and when I did I broke down and cried. The woman who I was for 26 years was pathetic, I knew I deserve better but I just didn’t want to be alone. I thought back on all my past relationships, and wrote down every mistake I made. And signs that I missed, and signs I annoyed cause of my fear of being alone. Like it's take a strong man to admit to his wrongs, it's take a strong woman to admit to her wrongs as well. I decided to postpone that search for love, until I complete my journey of self-love and the ultimate completion. I know I deserve the best, but I must learn to walk alone in order to be ready for my soulmate.
It’s easy to want love, but are you at your best to love someone was the question I kept asking myself. I knew I had to postpone love to find myself, because I knew one day that I wanted to have a son. And I asked myself would I want my son with a woman like me. And when I sat back, and taught about that answer I knew it was time to hold off. We asked men all the time “what can he bring to the table”, but as women what can we bring to the table. We think that money, and education is enough; but what about your spirits, what about your mind. When shit gets hard, can your mind handle that challenge, because its will be no longer about you. It’s about you, and your mate, and your children. Can you handle worrying about yourself, and other people as well. That why you see many unfit mothers, because they were not mentally ready to care for another person while still learning to care for themselves. Look at Halle berry, she considers to be the world most beautiful black woman. But can’t stay in a stable relationship to save her life, sometimes we think that handle being in a relationship. If you’re not mentally right, then loving someone else will lead you in a dark road. Of heartbreaks, and mistakes you won’t be able to let go of.
My mistakes had brought me many heartbreaks, but great lessons. I put my past in the fire a year ago, and I moved on with my life. But I’m still on this journey because, for the first time I’m enjoying being single. The reason why I didn’t enjoy being single, because I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. Now that I know, I want to take the time to make myself a better person. And to enjoy this world as a single woman, I would love to share myself with a man. but I want a man who is worthy to be called my ‘king’. I’m rear woman, and when the right man comes along he will be a blessed man. But before I run off into the sunset with a man, I got somethings to complete as a single woman. Who knows what 2017 will brings, might be meet my soulmate, or I will be in a city that I've never been to before blogging. Only time will, while I wait to see what my future has to offer. I will continue my journey of self-love, and completion.
That Is All