Skip to main content

When Your Love Become Toxic



I remember the day when I truly fell in love with someone, it was June 13th 2015  I couldn’t sleep so I stayed up, and I was just kept looking at him then I mouthed to him (because I wasn’t going to be the first one to say it) that I was in love with him. He literally woke up right after I said it, and he just kept looking at me like he did something wrong, but I just couldn’t be the first one to him that I was in love with him. The feelings were so amazing, but the aftermath was something I wasn’t ready for because I became lost in my love for him. When I love a man, I truly LOVED that man; flaws and all because I’m no angel. But the woman I became was a toxic woman, I was so in love with him that I became blind in my love, furthermore I was no good for him (No, I’m not putting the all the blame on me, I’m saying that when you’re bind in love you causing more corruption then peace). He was all I could think about, and talk about. He was on my mind 24/7, he became a drug that I was addicted to. I put all my attention on him that I forgot about my family needs, and my friend’s needs. He was my high nothing, and could bring me down.



The more I fell in love, the more I felt like I couldn’t be myself. In my mind I thought he wouldn’t like the woman that I truly was. So I hid my true self from him, I felt uncomfortable to show a bit of my own personality to him, or to say something quirky that’s was typically me. In my mind, we were trying to be a long-term relationship so it didn’t makes sense to me feel comfortable enough to be myself just yet. When you feel like you’re hiding your true self from your partner then this is a warning sign that you’re on track to losing yourself in your relationship. And the more I hid me, the more I lost pieces of me. It wasn’t his fault, this is something I won’t ever blame him for because he told me to be myself. But my personality didn’t match him, I was the compete opposite of him. It’s a reason why they say that being in love can be dangerous, when we love someone more than they are willing love us it’s can cause more harm than good. Because love will make you do some crazy shit, you can say that you haven’t been toxic in love before; but when you deny it you are becoming more toxic to your spouse. No one try to be toxic in love, but the more you try to hide it the more dangerous you become. Toxic in love is when you love your spouse more than you love yourself, your life has become all about spouse, and no one else, you are obsessed with your spouse, and everything they do. You claim that you have a life of your own, and you try to convince everyone that he not a major person your life. But actions speaks louder than words, and your actions shows that you're toxic in love.



Sometimes we know that we are lost, but we won’t do anything about. And why? Because we’re afraid of being alone. We’re afraid that when we start expressing our feelings and thoughts or start pursuing our dreams, our partner will feel threatened by this and possibly leave us. It’s important to realize that if your partner really loves you and is committed then he or she will support you in the things that make you truly happy.




When you're afraid of how your partner might respond when you express yourself, Do you feel like your opinion matters less than your partners? Do you wait for your partner to give their opinion before giving yours? If your answer is “yes” then it’s important to realize that your opinion is just as important as your partners and if you don’t express yourself freely, you may start to feel like you’re losing a part of yourself in your relationship. And that why I held my true feelings in, I knew there was some shit I wasn’t cool with but again I felt like if I share my thoughts then he would leave. This is what happened when you love someone, you willing to deal with some problems that bigger than what you can control. But when your partner more important then your own feelings you put aside your own dreams, desires and needs and you do or say anything to make your partner happy, even if you think it’s unreasonable? Putting your partner first and neglecting your own needs and desires is a dangerous thing to do. Although it seems like a loving act, in reality it’s unhealthy for your relationship. You need to take care of yourself so that you can be a confident and happy person for your partner. If you don’t do this…you’ll eventually start to lose yourself in your relationship.





It’s up to you now to make the necessary changes in your life and your relationship. Just remember that it’s never too late to claim your identity back. You have the power to choose how you feel in a relationship. You can create your own outcome. And that how I found me again, as I sit back, and look at my mistakes I see how I cause some problems as well. We were two wrong in love, and now I see that. I forgave him for his wrongs, and he forgave me for mine too. Sometimes the love we have to offer can be toxic, even if it’s coming from a loving place. If you have nothing to offer your spouse then that what make your love toxic because all you doing is taking, instead of giving. And that what we both did until there was nothing left to give we drained each other dry. When you’re in love you supposed to give 50-50, and nothing less.

That Is All







Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Top Five Worst Women To Be In A Relationship With

Well, I was asked, and I deliver so to speak. Even though I don’t post the letters of questions I receive from women, I still answer back. And I read these letters seeing how women answer their own questions, to why they have relationship problems. I knew if I wrote this article that I would be label as a “pick me” and that not even the case. I’m far from a “pick me” but I have observed certain behavior where I knew why these women were still single. This list is not only for my readers, writing this made me look at some of my actions as well in what areas I need to work on as I continue to grow as a woman. Before I wrote this, I had to ask 5 men, and these were the women they chose who gave them hell. Yes, I’m aware that some of these actions were fueled by the hand of men who let them down and broke their heart. But it's no point to carry that into your next relationship. Like I always say you don’t have to agree with me, but it has to be written. So, here are the top five wors…

When Hurt People Hurt: Nas and Kelis

You can’t fix what you didn’t break. Sometimes the demons we face, are not the person we’ve dated fault. We’ll never know the demons anyone truly face, until they decide if they want to take it out on us. We try to be there and show them something different but soon realize their demons are slowly killing us. As I come to learn a man is his mother image. A man is what his mother make him to be, he may carry out some of his father actions; but his character come from his mother. Like a woman is what her father tell her to be. Whether he speak it with his words or speak it with his actions (by not being in her life), a woman carry her father words with her everywhere she goes and in all of her relationships. That why sometimes when a man is reckless, if his mother understand his actions then no one else opinion of him even matter. Vice versa with a woman. We chose to play doctor but doesn’t stay around to fully cure that person injuries. We just add more cuts, to an already wounded soul…

Dating In Memphis: Top 5 Places To Go On a Date In Memphis

If you’re from Memphis then you know everyone favorite line here is “it nothing to do in Memphis”. Before last year I used to think the same thing. Going to the same hangouts, and eating at the same restaurants then getting on social media crying about how it nothing to do here or Memphis isn’t safe anymore. And of course, everyone favorite line "they shut down all the fun places in Memphis". It wasn’t until one night that I went out, and I had the time of my life at a place I never been before. The crazy part is I drove past this place several times not knowing it was a great place to hang out, and have fun (then the food was good). Since everyone here claim it nothing to do in Memphis, it leads to lack of creativity in the dating department. Well, this is where I step in and try to help. Dating is what keep the relationship alive. No matters how long you been with the person, you still have to date that person to keep that fire burning. The thing is nowhere in this univers…