Skip to main content

How Many Is Just Too Many: Can You Date Someone With A Extensive Past




Awhile back when I was working out trying to lose this 15 pounds for my birthday, I was listening to this group of men talking about how amber rose, and black china were whores, and how they made black women look bad (Well I didn’t know that they represented for all black women but ok). But as they were talking they spoke of another woman named that I didn’t know that men felt like she was a hoe, they said Ciara were a whore. Now from what the media put out there or what is shared in the media Ciara has only dated 5 men, now I didn’t know that 5 men can make any woman a whore but apparently dating 5 men can make you a hoe. One conversation that couples try to avoid is the talk of their sexual past, because they feel like they will be judged from the mistakes they made sexual. While you will meet people that say that your sexual past doesn’t matter, you will also meet people who will say that their spouse sexual past is important information that need to be shared before the relationship become serious.



In a study, its was shown that women were more likely to avoid the conversation of their sexual past, reason being they were worry about how they will be treated, or judged when they told their spouse about their sexual encounters. There are men out there who will tell you that “that a woman sexual past don’t matters as long she don’t have don’t have any “STD”. And for a quick moment you actually believe him when he tell you that. But have you ever know notice how women who does have an extensive sexual past, are not likely to go to a man that said her sexual past doesn’t matter because deep down its do matters. Yes, there are men who will stand by that statement, and really meant it when he says your past don’t matter, and will love you no matter how extensive you’re sexual past can possibly be. But pay attention to how he treats you, because remember “actions speak louder than words”. And while his words say “your past is the past”, his actions towards you will show you how he really feels about you, and your sexual past. He really could be embarrasses by your past, and have a strong opinion about your sexual past (especially if you slept with more people then him), and will treat you like every other man in your past has treated you, or all together just break up with you. Because of his personal issues with your past, after he told you that your sexual past wasn’t a problem. But incidents like this are reason why women choose keep their sexual past to themselves, because of the fear of how they will be treated because of their  past, and fear of losing a “good” man behind it.



In research that was called “our sexual averages” (google it, it’s a must read) it was shown that, Health Statistics that was done on 6,237 adults between the ages of 20 to 59 from 1999 to 2010, it was found that 29% of men had 15 or more sexual partners, and 9% of women had sex with 15 or more men. And also in the same survey, it’s reported that 46% of black men and 13% of black women had 15 or more sexual partners in their lifetime and 17% of men and 10% of women had 2 or more sexual partners in the previous year. It’s also reported that 25% of women and 17% of men reported they had no more than one sexual partner in their entire life. But Just 35% of women wanted to know a man's sexual past, while for men, only 30% wanted to know a woman's sexual history. But in all 89% percent of men, and women said if their spouse slept with over 30 people then they would end the relationship all together because it was a huge turn off, and saying their spouse high numbers would cause trust issues, and high thoughts of infidelity, because it was also shown that the people who did have a high body count claimed that cheating were the main factor behind their high body count.



Since now dating is becoming harder a person sexual past is just the last thing on many people mind when they are looking for their soul mate. But while men were saying they didn’t want a woman with a deep past, also it’s was shown that the same men who said they didn’t want a woman with an extensive past were most likely to impregnate a woman with extensive past. A person can’t take back their past mistake and honestly in some cases, it doesn’t matter because it’s more to a person then there sexual encounters. No one want to marry a person who share their soul with different kind of demons, but when you’re dating those people wasn’t demons to them they were someone they deeply loved, and saw a future with. Even if you didn’t sleep with 10 or 15 people in one year, if you add how many relationships you been in every year since you been dating then you more likely surpass the same woman or man you calling a whore. No one can take back their mistakes, and they damn sure don’t need to be ashamed of their past either.



If everyone have a chance to change one chapter of their lives, then most likely they would change it. Like I said earlier no one want a person who shared their body with many different spirits, but they can’t take back their mistakes. Don’t let someone past keep you from your soulmate, we have a list of what we want in a spouse everyone do. But don’t let one flaw keep you blind from the many blessing they can bring you in your life. I can’t say how many is just too many because only you know the true answer to that, but people makes mistakes. But if you can’t handle that person past then it’s no reason to stay with someone if you going to doubts if they will be faithful in the relationship.



That Is All....💋💋💋

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

When Hurt People Hurt: Nas and Kelis

You can’t fix what you didn’t break. Sometimes the demons we face, are not the person we’ve dated fault. We’ll never know the demons anyone truly face, until they decide if they want to take it out on us. We try to be there and show them something different but soon realize their demons are slowly killing us. As I come to learn a man is his mother image. A man is what his mother make him to be, he may carry out some of his father actions; but his character come from his mother. Like a woman is what her father tell her to be. Whether he speak it with his words or speak it with his actions (by not being in her life), a woman carry her father words with her everywhere she goes and in all of her relationships. That why sometimes when a man is reckless, if his mother understand his actions then no one else opinion of him even matter. Vice versa with a woman. We chose to play doctor but doesn’t stay around to fully cure that person injuries. We just add more cuts, to an already wounded soul…

My Thoughts on Love Is...

As I always say, when the love is real it not meant for anyone on the outside to understand. I always ask women “what would they do for love?” Some women answer, while some just look at me like I’m crazy. Everyone loves to claim they have a limitation on love. However, as one told me you only have limitation when you haven’t met your match. Now, before I could write this story I had to re-watch this series twice just to make sure I was understanding what I was watching. Therefore, after watching this show I got something to say and it won’t be pretty. My new addiction celebrating black love is Love Is”, which tells the origin story of a modern-day love, before social media came and destroyed well trying to destroy love for everyone. This show has become the topic of discussion more than this season of “Insecure” (I’m still waiting for that wow moment of this season). Love Is_ is set in '90s. And tells the story of two Black creatives who fall for each other quickly. Nuri works as…

What to Do When A Person Ghost You

We all knew this day was coming and now it time I write about it. This Sunday night, was the season finale of “insecure." Now, before I get to the point of the story I must share my thoughts of this whole season. I was looking for that spark this season like season one, and two, but I didn’t receive one until the end. Even the whole Daniel and Issa storyline that was a letdown. When I saw she brought back Lawrence I was hoping that finally they would work it out, but again Lawrence on that bitch ass shit. However, the relationship between Nathan and Issa was the talk on black twitter. While Issa thoughts she finally met a good guy who challenge her, Nathan proved that “the lighter the eyes, the bigger the lies.” While we have to wait until Next Year to see exactly where this relationship will go, Nathan pulled a move that was close to home for many people. It hurt like hell when a person leave you without any warning or reasons. It leave you asking yourself, “What did you do?” We…