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The Story Of The Emotionally Unavailable man

If you follow me on Facebook which some of you guys do, I sometimes talk about how "last winter was the coldest", everyone thinks I'm quoting an drake song for some reasons but in truth, emotionally last winter was the coldest for me. For three years of my life I chase this guy, I put my heart and soul into trying to let him see that when he was ready for a relationship that I was the woman for him. But one day out of the blue, he just cut me off no warning, no reason why(until three weeks later), no nothing. He just left me out emotionally out in the cold, and left me with a broken heart,and a emotionally broken spirit. At first I didn't understand nor I wanted to understand why he did what he did, but as the months passes on by, and I'm on my spiritual journey of deeper understanding of love, and self I now understand and know why he did what he did. And since have forgiven him, he was just a emotionally unavailable man.

If you read a few of my stories I always make this statement "when we fall in love, we lose a big piece of ourselves". Which is true, we don't see that until the cards are completely folded in front of us. And we don't see nor look for those signs that he's emotionally unavailable. When a man is emotionally unavailable, we try to ignore it hoping that he will turn his feeling around once he sees that you care about him and love him. It's a nice thought at the time, but you don't realize that the more you try to show him affection, the more his walls build up. The more you push, the more disengaged he becomes with you. Then he starts to be dismissive with your feelings by saying "indirectly or directly to you by labeling you as “too much,” “too sensitive,” “too serious,” “too dramatic,” “crazy,” or neurotic for sharing your feelings and wanting to talk about the relationship and deeper subjects". And when you share your upset and difficult feelings, he makes you feel wrong for “making such a big deal out it.” He’s consistently unwilling (or unable) to see your point of view as a valid possibility, and thus, won’t validate your feelings because to him there is no relationship and you are getting upset about something that he is not willing to change. When a man is emotionally unavailable it’s something in him that broke him emotionally its can be several reasons why he is emotionally unavailable, and if he not ready to figure out what it is that made him that way then he is not about to share his feelings with you, and he not about to open his heart to any woman until he find a way to fix his demons himself, and get to a financial place that he feel he needs to be in order to be in a relationship, because one of the reasons why some men choose to be emotionally unavailable is money, and while there are some men who don’t mind fucking while broke and letting a woman take care of him and the household, an real man is not about to hop in no relationship where he can’t support himself, and he can’t support you.

But you still stay anyway, hoping that he would come around, and just try to see how loyal you are to him. As you continue to try and to show him that you do care about him, you are hurting yourself mentally and losing yourself more as you try to be with him. You become more self-absorbed in him then you are in your own personal life, you become distant from your family and friends as he becomes more distant from you. You looking past the fact on how he treats you completely different then he treats other women which another sign that an emotionally unavailable man shows,(trust me I know I felt so unattractive because he was so willing to give other women attention and tell them they were beautiful but not he once told me that I was pretty or beautiful I felt like I was disgusting in his eyes like he look at me as a monster). But like you I stayed and hope he would see that I was down for him no matter what, and how loyal I was to him. So you avoid listening to your gut telling you to walk away, and like most women you look past when that he become more disengaged, more dismissive of your feelings and thoughts of you guy’s relationship, and become more, and more disconnected with you. All with that lil glimmer of hope that you could change him. But if a man not willing to change for himself, then he won't change for you. He chooses to continue to be more dishonest with you about his feelings, and he will flat out lie, and not only will he withholds his love from you he literally doesn’t share certain things with you at all, it is always only at the last minute when his back is up against the wall that he choose to tell you some of the truth.

So now you are at in an emotional war with yourself. You're tired of him manipulating your emotions (Another part of an emotionally unavailable personality? Manipulation. They’ll discount your feelings - probably calling you ‘crazy’ along the way. They’ll convince you to place the blame on yourself and say that you are overdoing the whole relationship all together, place most of the problems in the relationship on you saying that this is what you wanted. They’ll make you think you’re just expecting too much. Worrying too often. Make you question if you see those bright red flags or just say that you’re imagining them. But trust me, it’s not your fault. It never was. It’s how they’re trying to get out of talking about the real pink elephant in the room: their actions,their emotions,and how they are treating you). But you still don't want to leave him, because even though he doesn’t feel that love for you, you have fallen in love with him. But as I learn now that the longer you stay and continue to chase him, and try to be with him you will soon emotionally turned into him. As I saw at the end of our situation ship, all the emptiness he made me feel I put on another man taking out all my anger on him because when my "ex" cut me out his life he blocks me from making any kind of contact with him (even though I still found a way but he wouldn't talk to me during that time). He made sure that I wouldn’t hear from him until he felt like he was ready to talk to me, I kept pushing him away until he finally said fuck it and left me alone all together. If I could take back what I did I would because he didn’t deserve it, he was trying to help me heal my broken heart and broken spirit, it's wasn't until I realize that only I was the only person who can heal me.

But the longer you stay, the harder it's will be for you to walk away. And it's will also play a role in your next relationship, because trying to be with an emotionally unavailable man don't ever work out because no matter how hard you try he will continue to shut you out, and you do see his problems but he has yet to see them. Sometimes it's best to let a man be free so he can go find himself, and see what is out there because no matter how you try to talk to him and help him he won’t listen, you can’t help a man that can’t help himself you see those demons that he has but he doesn’t want you to find them he wants to find them alone. But it's hard to walk away in your mind, because some days when he does shows you how he feels it make you feel so damn good, he makes you feel like a queen he gives you this feeling in your body that no man have ever made you feel. But then there those days where he has his wall up, and make you feel so worthless to the point where you break down and cry and keep asking yourself "what you're doing wrong for him to treat you like this?". And he doesn’t give you the answer that you want to hear, he just going to remind you that it's your choice to stay. But you choose to keep going back because this situation has become an addiction, no matter how he disrespect you, and makes you feel so low he gives you a high that no man has ever given you.

But as I now come to see, that no matter how much I did loved him I couldn’t help him, I saw his demons upfront I knew what his problems was and I truly wanted to help him and I tried to warn him of his demons, but when I tried to help him he pushes me away and told me to stay in my place because I was not his woman. And I did what he told me and I saw how those words broke me down on the inside, but I won’t ever put all the blame on him because I had a choice to leave and I didn’t because and he told me upfront that he didn't want a relationship. But my feeling got caught up,and I saw how its affected him when people let him down and wasn’t there when he needed them to be there, so I made it my mission not to be that woman or that person to leave him when he needed me the most. But as I see now he was so willing to leave me when I finally needed him the most, but I have chosen to forgiven him for a peace of mind,and sometimes we do talk from time to time because no matter how everything went down I will always have a small soft spot for him. Because being with an emotionally unavailable person gives you lessons in life that most men and women can’t give you, because of him he force me to look for deep understanding from all my past relationship mistakes, and also he force me to grow up. But in the end the choice will always be yours to either stay or just let go so you can finally have that inner peace.

That Is All.


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