Skip to main content

Why Relationship Don't Work

1. You are not whole. Relationships are NOT about finding your other half... They are about having a life partner... someone to complement you. Someone to keep you company and accompany you in bringing forth a new generation. You should already be content with your own life and be established in your identity before coupling with anyone else. When you don't have your own identity outside of your partnership, you begin to overly depend on your partner to fill a void that only you can fill.

2. You treat your partner like property. We are free-willed creatures and we do not have that type of control over each other. Respect each others' space and privacy. If you trust your own ability to choose a mate that you know will protect your heart, you should be at peace with your decision to be with them. (If you have trust issues, check number 3)
Side note: before any relationship becomes serious, each individual needs to establish their expectations for the relationship. Honesty is the best policy when it comes down to laying your expectations out on the table. For example: some men have no interest in being in one woman man. There are plenty of women that do not have an issue with this. The issue comes in when the woman is under the impression that she is in a monogamous relationship and realizes that the man has been lying about his intentions. This is why we should be upfront and honest on day one to avoid unnecessary distrust and heartbreak.

3. You are not at peace with yourself. Ultimately, if you have not found inner peace, you could end up projecting the problems you have within, onto your partner. Are you completely healed from a past relationship? How is your relationship with your parents? Were you content with the life you were living before getting into a relationship with this person? If you are lucky, you may find someone capable enough to work with you and heal you. But most of the time that isn't the case. You have to make an effort to face your issue head on, so you won't be a burden on anyone else.

4. You do not know how to love... In order to know how to love, you have to practice on yourself. You cannot give love to someone else if you don't even love yourself. It takes practice to successfully love someone. You have to listen and take their feelings into consideration before you do anything. Of course, there's more to love than that, but the main thing in relationships is treating your significant other how you expect to be treated.

5. Selfishness & high expectations... you expect someone to place you on a pedestal, but you are not prepared to do the same in return. I have seen way too many times, people seeking something and other people that they cannot even provide themselves. For example, I have seen women chase after men that are wealthy but those same women do not have the mentality to maintain a household of material wealth. On top of that, they want these men to provide an entire lifestyle for them when they only bring sex to the table.

6. You have a fairy tale idea of love. My next statement is based strictly on personal opinion, however, I am going to insert it with the intention of broadening your perspective on how relationships work. To begin, I do not believe in soulmates the same way most people do. I feel that a lot of people make the mistake of seeking their soulmate in a person that is 100% perfect and will never do wrong. To me, this is unrealistic. There are billions of people on this planet and you probably should not waste your time thinking that only one of them is "perfect for you". Explore your options and seek someone that realizes there is always room for improvement. From there, it will be easier for you to embrace the fact that no one is perfect.

7. Bad timing. This could also go into numbers 1, 3, and 4. Just because a relationship does not work out at that time, does not mean you were not meant to be together. Maybe you guys should take this time to do some personal evaluations... work on those things in order to become whole and at peace, and finally know what it means to love yourself and others. Then, if you are meant to be together, the universe will make it happen. Be patient and don't jump into anything before getting to know 1 another.... Which leads me to number 8.

8. Maybe you simply are not compatible with one another. A lot of people make the mistake of getting into relationships with people that they are not compatible with because they are with them for the wrong reasons. Do you sincerely love and accept a person for who they are? can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this person? Does your partner encourage you to grow and become better? Are you with them because you felt lonely and had no other choice? You really have to be honest with yourself when answering these questions. And remember that you cannot force yourself to love someone if you don't sincerely feel the chemistry there... You also cannot force someone to love you. No matter what you do or how much you change yourself, if a person is not attracted to you romantically, you cannot form a happy relationship with them.

If reading this article made you realize that some of these things apply to your partner, remember that the only person you are accountable for in a relationship is you. Basically, what you need to do as an individual seeking love, is to be the best version of yourself. Know yourself and love yourself so that you can be a great counterpart for someone else.


Popular posts from this blog

When Hurt People Hurt: Nas and Kelis

You can’t fix what you didn’t break. Sometimes the demons we face, are not the person we’ve dated fault. We’ll never know the demons anyone truly face, until they decide if they want to take it out on us. We try to be there and show them something different but soon realize their demons are slowly killing us. As I come to learn a man is his mother image. A man is what his mother make him to be, he may carry out some of his father actions; but his character come from his mother. Like a woman is what her father tell her to be. Whether he speak it with his words or speak it with his actions (by not being in her life), a woman carry her father words with her everywhere she goes and in all of her relationships. That why sometimes when a man is reckless, if his mother understand his actions then no one else opinion of him even matter. Vice versa with a woman. We chose to play doctor but doesn’t stay around to fully cure that person injuries. We just add more cuts, to an already wounded soul…

My Thoughts on Love Is...

As I always say, when the love is real it not meant for anyone on the outside to understand. I always ask women “what would they do for love?” Some women answer, while some just look at me like I’m crazy. Everyone loves to claim they have a limitation on love. However, as one told me you only have limitation when you haven’t met your match. Now, before I could write this story I had to re-watch this series twice just to make sure I was understanding what I was watching. Therefore, after watching this show I got something to say and it won’t be pretty. My new addiction celebrating black love is Love Is”, which tells the origin story of a modern-day love, before social media came and destroyed well trying to destroy love for everyone. This show has become the topic of discussion more than this season of “Insecure” (I’m still waiting for that wow moment of this season). Love Is_ is set in '90s. And tells the story of two Black creatives who fall for each other quickly. Nuri works as…

What to Do When A Person Ghost You

We all knew this day was coming and now it time I write about it. This Sunday night, was the season finale of “insecure." Now, before I get to the point of the story I must share my thoughts of this whole season. I was looking for that spark this season like season one, and two, but I didn’t receive one until the end. Even the whole Daniel and Issa storyline that was a letdown. When I saw she brought back Lawrence I was hoping that finally they would work it out, but again Lawrence on that bitch ass shit. However, the relationship between Nathan and Issa was the talk on black twitter. While Issa thoughts she finally met a good guy who challenge her, Nathan proved that “the lighter the eyes, the bigger the lies.” While we have to wait until Next Year to see exactly where this relationship will go, Nathan pulled a move that was close to home for many people. It hurt like hell when a person leave you without any warning or reasons. It leave you asking yourself, “What did you do?” We…