Dating isn't as easy as it used to be in grade school. At that time, it was as simple as, "I like you and you like me so let's hang out and hold hands." These days it seems you may have to use scientific equations just to get a decent relationship. We are grown now; we have bills, careers, standards, and some of us already have children to consider while dating. No worries though! You can use these 5 tips to help you waste as little time and energy possible while on the dating scene.
#1 You need to first establish what you are looking for in a mate. What kind of career do you see them having? What kind of personality would you like them to have? Do you want them to have similar hobbies as you? Don't be afraid to be specific in certain areas, but don't be so specific that you completely narrow your options down to a person more rare than a mystical unicorn. These are things you should consider when you are placing your order with the universe (or God - whichever you prefer). When you do this, it can help you to wean out people that will most likely waste your time. Sure, they may have a banging personality upon meeting them, which makes you feel that you are able to make an exception... But down the line, you may start to realize this is not the person for you... Leaving you frustrated for not following your "list" the first time.
#2 I would recommend that you abstain from sex while just dating. I know it's "been a long time" or you are just so sure that this person is "the one" but I promise you will be so glad that you waited. Especially for the ladies... The most embarrassing feeling in the world is trying to have the "what are we?" talk AFTER he already got the goodies. Please make sure you know what y'all are BEFORE you take it there. Sex is a spiritual exchange and it can confuse things when you are still trying to get to know someone. The one thing you want to make sure of is keeping a level head when choosing a mate.
#3 Keep your options open! Its OK to keep your options open when you are just dating. This helps you to not get stuck on one person and gives you the perfect opportunity to compare your options.
Disclaimer: please do not compare your date to someone else in their face.
Anyway, when you do this, be very careful not to lead anyone on. Once you decide to become exclusive with someone, be sure to start making it known to the other options.
#4 Dont be afraid to ask the hard questions first. Some people say it's rude, but I say that it cuts down on wasted time. Personally, I will ask a few ice breaking questions to begin with, but I quickly make my way to asking about their careers, existence of children, and relationship with their parents. You may sound like an interviewer, but lets be honest, dating is basically an interview anyway.
#5 My final piece of advice would be to keep your eyes peeled for red flags and do not get lazy while doing it. Its easy to become comfortable in someones presence and forget to watch for signs that they may be inconsistent, dishonest, or maybe even stuck on their ex. Try not to reach the point of paranoia, but DO NOT ignore your voice of reason when you know someone's actions are questionable.
Good luck on the dating scene and may the odds be ever in your favor.
Written by Cande M.
Written by Cande M.