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Love Letters From Racine:An Obstacle to Black Relationships.

When racine speaks for a deep reason I listen. To be so young he has more knowledge then people that are older then him. This piece he wrote do share a problem that go on alot in not only in relationships but the whole black commuity. I hope you all can learn from this piece like I did.

An Obstacle to Black Relationships.

…and of course, I’m no expert. I just speak on perspectives I observe. I’ve seen that our

upbringings over recent decades are the reasons why our relationships face obstacles, you know?

I’ve noticed that as fathers left the homes, single mothers began raising their children differently.

Our boys were loved and our girls were raised. I don’t think it was intentional; or even

conscious. I think it was more subconscious based on the pains of the mothers caused by the

actions and absence of the fathers. The mothers feeling as if it was something they could have

done better to make the father stay while the father moves on to other women; raising children

that aren’t his own. If our mothers internalize these situations in negative manners rooted in guilt

and shame, the focus for their parenting could be potentially effected; thus effecting the way the

children are brought up to have relationships.

With daughters being raised, mothers are teaching their little girls to be 100% self-sufficient,

independent women. Why? Because she needs to be able to bounce back and stand firm just in

case she meets a man like her father. If he leaves her, children or not, she is not in a position to

go through the things that her mother went through. So mothers have begun to teach their

daughters to stay alert at all times. Find men who are in a particular mental and financial state of

mind. Not because they are gold diggers, but because they have been raised and taught to have

that financial and mental mindset. Before high school and college, most women are taught to

cook, clean, shop, budget, balance check books, advance careers in swift manners and carry

themselves in a professional light at all times. This has prepared women for solid relationships.

However, as they were raised, they watched their brothers get loved…making them envision

relationships where they take over and care for their significant others, rather than work together.

So with the sons being loved, mothers wanted their sons to develop an appreciation for the love a

woman gives a man. 

That way, he knows when a woman is present and not to walk out on her.

However, what this did was created an environment where sons have learned to be dependent

upon a woman. The mothers did everything for them. Washed clothes, cooked, cleaned, shopped,

etc. The things the daughters were taught to do were done for the sons. The image of a good

woman was implanted in the sons mind but a good man imprint was simply one who lets a

woman take care of him. Before high school and college, most men are dependent on what a

woman can do for him that his mother used to do. Unlike the daughters.

Now when these worlds collide, they clash. When a woman taught to have a solid mindset of

independence meets a man who was taught to be dependent on women, they vibe for a spell but a

point is reached where the woman wants her man to elevate to a higher level. The problems then

begin because he was never encouraged to push to that level. He gets frustrated with her because

she should be doing for him, as his mother did. Not nagging him to do better. Not nagging him to

do and accomplish many of the dreams he told her he wanted to accomplish. He has been

conditioned to think that she should accomplish his dreams for him. As his mother did. 

But as

her mother taught her, she needs a man on her level who embodies what she was taught. So she

either cuts it off and moves forward or stays there miserably. And he either gets out of his

comfort zone and makes moves toward progression or stays in that dependent situation. And

that’s what I feel could be the cycle of why our relationships are suffering and getting weaker

over time. But it can be reversed should we decide to address it. But it’s up to us. We must find

the cause of our cycles to break them…but it’s just my thoughts…dig me?

Peace, Love, Knowledge and Freedom.


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