When racine speaks for a deep reason I listen. To be so young he has more knowledge then people that are older then him. This piece he wrote do share a problem that go on alot in not only in relationships but the whole black commuity. I hope you all can learn from this piece like I did.
An Obstacle to Black Relationships.
…and of course, I’m no expert. I just speak on perspectives I observe. I’ve seen that our
upbringings over recent decades are the reasons why our relationships face obstacles, you know?
I’ve noticed that as fathers left the homes, single mothers began raising their children differently.
Our boys were loved and our girls were raised. I don’t think it was intentional; or even
conscious. I think it was more subconscious based on the pains of the mothers caused by the
actions and absence of the fathers. The mothers feeling as if it was something they could have
done better to make the father stay while the father moves on to other women; raising children
that aren’t his own. If our mothers internalize these situations in negative manners rooted in guilt
and shame, the focus for their parenting could be potentially effected; thus effecting the way the
children are brought up to have relationships.
With daughters being raised, mothers are teaching their little girls to be 100% self-sufficient,
independent women. Why? Because she needs to be able to bounce back and stand firm just in
case she meets a man like her father. If he leaves her, children or not, she is not in a position to
go through the things that her mother went through. So mothers have begun to teach their
daughters to stay alert at all times. Find men who are in a particular mental and financial state of
mind. Not because they are gold diggers, but because they have been raised and taught to have
that financial and mental mindset. Before high school and college, most women are taught to
cook, clean, shop, budget, balance check books, advance careers in swift manners and carry
themselves in a professional light at all times. This has prepared women for solid relationships.
However, as they were raised, they watched their brothers get loved…making them envision
relationships where they take over and care for their significant others, rather than work together.
So with the sons being loved, mothers wanted their sons to develop an appreciation for the love a
woman gives a man.
That way, he knows when a woman is present and not to walk out on her.
However, what this did was created an environment where sons have learned to be dependent
upon a woman. The mothers did everything for them. Washed clothes, cooked, cleaned, shopped,
etc. The things the daughters were taught to do were done for the sons. The image of a good
woman was implanted in the sons mind but a good man imprint was simply one who lets a
woman take care of him. Before high school and college, most men are dependent on what a
woman can do for him that his mother used to do. Unlike the daughters.
Now when these worlds collide, they clash. When a woman taught to have a solid mindset of
independence meets a man who was taught to be dependent on women, they vibe for a spell but a
point is reached where the woman wants her man to elevate to a higher level. The problems then
begin because he was never encouraged to push to that level. He gets frustrated with her because
she should be doing for him, as his mother did. Not nagging him to do better. Not nagging him to
do and accomplish many of the dreams he told her he wanted to accomplish. He has been
conditioned to think that she should accomplish his dreams for him. As his mother did.
her mother taught her, she needs a man on her level who embodies what she was taught. So she
either cuts it off and moves forward or stays there miserably. And he either gets out of his
comfort zone and makes moves toward progression or stays in that dependent situation. And
that’s what I feel could be the cycle of why our relationships are suffering and getting weaker
over time. But it can be reversed should we decide to address it. But it’s up to us. We must find
the cause of our cycles to break them…but it’s just my thoughts…dig me?
Peace, Love, Knowledge and Freedom.